I am so confused. Today was supposed to be about clarity. Drawing that line and stepping over it; leaving the rest behind. But looking forward I was glued to that awfulness. A blur. I can’t stand not knowing. I can’t stand not having. Realizing reality. The closeness of absorbing it all in. The distance I made up. That line that I wanted to but cannot cross. Who made up these rules anyway. The bullshit I deal with is you.
I shouldn’t have but I did. I looked up. It was you. Discomforting. I felt uneasy. I cannot say hello goodbye. You hated me. You judged me. Wrongly. Perhaps. I deserved it. Yes. The proximity to you made my body shakes. Not like a shiver. More like a drug. You were distracting. I was distracted dividing my time between you and avoiding you.
Wait. A do over. Can we have one of those. Hi. Nice to meet you. Only this time I will be good.
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