10batmans

10batmans http://10batmans.wordpress.com a self-guided tour... Mon, 23 Aug 2010 04:56:45 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ http://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.png 10batmans http://10batmans.wordpress.com If I were… http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/21/if-i-were/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/21/if-i-were/#comments Sun, 22 Aug 2010 07:22:50 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/21/if-i-were/ ]]> If I were a better person. I think that’s the hardest part. If I lead you on. I think that’s your hardest part. I can’t help it. Part of me finds it fun to toy around with you, to be hurt by you. And little will you know it was all planned. An action for a reaction; my action for your reaction. If I were a better person. You wouldn’t have enjoyed this so much. An ego boost for your turmoil. A fair price.

I can’t help myself. It’s a problem. It’s getting worse. Why do you like me so much? Why do you like me so much? And you?

I made you into a bad person. I made you into a darker person. Don’t worry I paid a price too. Like you except I enjoyed it. There is something sinfully delicious in a throbbing heart–broken. The pain I feel for you. The hurt I feel from within. A sinking feeling. So heavy. So enjoyable. So high.

One by one until I find my one.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/21/if-i-were/feed/ 0 CHN wtf http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/14/wtf/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/14/wtf/#comments Sun, 15 Aug 2010 05:38:05 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/14/wtf/ ]]> What the fuck?!?!

When I tell you of my confusion, I am not lost in that grayness. It is me choosing the black or white; confused as to why the decision was so easy. When I tell you of my uncertainty, there is no lingering hesitation. It is me accepting my outcome; uncertain as to why you have yet to accept yours. When I tell you of my feelings, it is not me dangling my emotions. It is me understanding your weakness. Exploiting it.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/14/wtf/feed/ 0 CHN … http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/169/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/169/#comments Tue, 03 Aug 2010 05:10:14 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/169/ ]]> To say this is just another low point in life would be an understatement. These few weeks have been great and terrible. I feel like I’m loosing. Changes are coming and they are coming way too fast. Yes. I waited and waited. Two years for these things to come but nothing. And now, out of nowhere. They’ve arrived. Consuming me. I am loosing. My dear possession. The competition. It’s no longer a fair trade. I have to give you up. Now I have nothing. As much as I want to be the bigger person. The one who does not feel. I cannot. I am emotional. I am flawed. I have greed. I have needs. I cannot stand here. Miserable.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/08/02/169/feed/ 0 CHN south park the movie bigger better uncut http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/south-park-the-movie-bigger-better-uncut/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/south-park-the-movie-bigger-better-uncut/#comments Wed, 28 Jul 2010 06:30:52 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/south-park-the-movie-bigger-better-uncut/ ]]> There’s the Girl that I like..Now more than ever, she gives me butterflies. She makes my stomach queezy every time she walks by..I know I can be cool if I try.

There’s the Girl that I like..But now it appears that she likes another girl. It must be because, she’s political and stuff..I bet I could be political too!

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/27/south-park-the-movie-bigger-better-uncut/feed/ 0 CHN Just the opposite http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/19/just-the-opposite/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/19/just-the-opposite/#comments Mon, 19 Jul 2010 19:13:53 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/19/just-the-opposite/ ]]> I am so confused. Today was supposed to be about clarity. Drawing that line and stepping over it; leaving the rest behind. But looking forward I was glued to that awfulness. A blur. I can’t stand not knowing. I can’t stand not having. Realizing reality. The closeness of absorbing it all in. The distance I made up. That line that I wanted to but cannot cross. Who made up these rules anyway. The bullshit I deal with is you.

I shouldn’t have but I did. I looked up. It was you. Discomforting. I felt uneasy. I cannot say hello goodbye. You hated me. You judged me. Wrongly. Perhaps. I deserved it. Yes. The proximity to you made my body shakes. Not like a shiver. More like a drug. You were distracting. I was distracted dividing my time between you and avoiding you.

Wait. A do over. Can we have one of those. Hi. Nice to meet you. Only this time I will be good.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/19/just-the-opposite/feed/ 0 CHN A blond moment http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/a-blond-moment/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/a-blond-moment/#comments Fri, 02 Jul 2010 05:15:50 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/a-blond-moment/ ]]> Another small price to pay to tap into a dream state. Rest for vividity. Eyes circled. Wired. Always looking. Discontent. Happy. Empty. Sad. And then it was all taken away. How can I understand when it was a given that I understood.

I watched you. It was just an act. You and them, the bigger. We were a small part. But this was real. It felt real. Just another stranger filled with possibilities and familiarity. You felt like home. I watched you walk away in amazement. A cocktail of emotions. My heart started in excitement but dampened by the lack of reason. Finally realized. I was content here once. Now this place brings me anxiety. Company brings me loneliness. A sense of distance. Isolation. I have to escape but don’t know how. Desire but no drive. Mind disconnected. Body stubborn. I went searching for you. In a crowd. In your disguise. I found you. It has to be you. I was so sure.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/a-blond-moment/feed/ 0 CHN Today my heart swings http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/23/today-my-heart-swings/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/23/today-my-heart-swings/#comments Wed, 23 Jun 2010 18:56:36 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/23/today-my-heart-swings/ ]]> That song by Interpol. Everyone needs to know the Heinrich Maneuver.

I’m nostalgic of a period in time. The overbearing sun. The dripping sweat. Dust. Sand. Tight enclosed spaces. Good. Bad. They were all shared. Secrets. An understanding. I walked up and down. Back and forth we went. My feet digged deep in the sand. Good times. Happy. Day. Night. They were all the same. A poorly enacted breakup to solicit another reaction from you. Not you, you. I talked incoherently through my shivers. You pushed me back and forth and got me to do the right thing. Anyone and everyone but me. Another sleepless night banging on your door. Adrenaline rush at 4. No, I never want to go to bed. My heart pounded. The room stopped. It would have been a shame to die so young.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/23/today-my-heart-swings/feed/ 0 CHN This feels like… http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/this-feels-like/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/this-feels-like/#comments Thu, 17 Jun 2010 06:07:50 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/this-feels-like/ ]]> The strangest thing. An image triggering all these emotions. A hope enabling all these thoughts. I have. A link to anything. A key to everything. And then again, this has never happened before. The first and the last. This will stick. But you should go, there are no good intentions here.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/this-feels-like/feed/ 0 CHN Tired http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/tired/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/tired/#comments Thu, 17 Jun 2010 05:57:42 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/tired/ ]]> I am so tired my eyelids cannot keep up. I am so tired by body cannot stand up. Waiting.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/16/tired/feed/ 0 CHN Change http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/change/ http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/change/#comments Fri, 04 Jun 2010 05:30:10 +0000 CHN https://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/change/ ]]> Did I fuck everything up? I find myself going around in endless circles. You hate to love me. I got exactly what I thought I wanted and I took a little too much from you. Your love, your faith, your patience. I wanted everything. I resented the ultimatum you gave me, twice. And your heartbreak, twice. You made me change into a better person too fast too soon. Things were good when it was just us, I would have loved you forever.

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]]> http://10batmans.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/change/feed/ 0 CHN